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  • Writer's pictureCameron Dickson

Grief: Why you should punch "closure" and "stages" in the mouth

Grief, Loss, What is grief?, stages of grief, death, breaking up, losing a friend
Grief: Why you should punch "closure" and "stages" in the mouth

It's a metaphor ok! I totally agree that nonviolence is the best answer, but the harm that the belief in "closure", "getting over it" and that there are rigid stages of grief you will experience, make me sometimes imagine an horrific attacker beating people up while they are already down.

I have worked with many people suffering through grief and also with those for whom it had become complicated, impacting them further than most people's experience. This short BBC Stories clip summarises really well some of the key ideas that can help everyone be ok in the midst of feeling really awful.

Spoiler alert: You don't get over grief and that's ok. There are plenty of stages and ways to feel and act when you are grieving and you will feel it your way. Equally you need to find the best ways that work for you to manage and make meaning in your grief.

While the death of someone close to us, or the loss of an important relationship (romantic or otherwise) are easily recognisable situations that cause us to grieve, we can find ourselves experiencing grief from any event that causes major change in our lives. Sometimes when we are actually really happy with our new circumstances we can feel grief about the loss of what we have left behind. For example leaving home, becoming a parent, moving cities etc.

Talking to a counsellor who is outside of your situation and who won't tell you how to feel, judge you for how you are feeling, or tell you that "you should be over it by now" can help you find your way to the other side of grief and loss.

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